Evil Knievellen at the helm

It was quite cold this morning, about -20 C which is -4 for my US friends. In survival mode I just got on the bus quickly and didn't even notice the driver...yet. Before I and the ten people behind me had a chance to sit, Captain Picard pointed forward and utterd "engage" and the bus was launched at warp 7. I managed to get a good grip and stop which made me a good cushion for the pretty lady behind me. I know that it was only warp 7 because 9.9 was reserved for the tight winding streets of downtown Hull.

I kept thinking that the driver was either drunk or very incompetant as the tires were often rubbing on or going over sidewalks. Each nudge would spill a few gulps from someones morning caffeine injection and test the poor stander's death grip on the poles. One corner grazing nearly catapulted one dude off of his half seat. That was his fault for deciding to sit next to another big dude which means that one butt cheek gets to hang over the edge of the Kindergarten sized seats.

Armed with my usual big mouth and fury over being subjected to this carnival ride, when nearing my stop I carefully made my way to the front of the bus keeping both hands frimly clamped around poles, seat backs and a few shoulders only to finally see who was driving. I would like to have been able to report that it was that monkey that escaped from the zoo a few weeks earlier, but we don't have a zoo and a monkey probably would have done a better job. I was about to begin berating the lead footed, half blind ogre until I saw the "trainee" tag over her left breast. She was actually quite cute and the only thing I could think of was NICE RACK!

Before the bus came to a screeching halt I did manage to quickly check the seat where the "trainer" usually sits and it was empty. I assumed that at some point he dove out the door and was embeded in a snowbank somewhere along the route, thankful to still be alive. Upon making a hasty exit I did do my civic duty and checked for him under the bus just in case he wasn't being dragged along or stuck spinning with the tires.