Tilted bus

I had a song in my head on last night's ride home..."Oh there she goes, oh there she goes, like an elephant on her toes, she thinks she's sweet...." ARRRGGG! Why did she have to sit next to me?!!! I see this lady, and I use that term loosely, every now and then. She is hard to miss, about 450 lbs, heavy make-up and always carrying bags of food. Her dainty slide into my seat was quite traumatic as I would have preferred a hip check from Chara when he's mad. She isn't very tall, which means that all her weight is tied up in the width department...and that width had me squished against the wall of the bus. I'm sure the Chilean miners had a more comfortable ride coming back to the Earth's surface than I did. I had to time my breaths with hers or I surely would have passed out.

I'm not trying piss off people with weight problems as I'm not a small man myself, but this lady had 4 large bags each stuffed with 3 bags of potato chips. I had no choice but to read the writing on one of them because half of her load was perched on my lap due to her lap being occupied by her mid-section. I would have launched into a series of guffaws had I been able to breath as it read "Health Food Potato Chips"...I think that's what they call an oxymoron!!!

A few minutes into the ride I became serously concerned with my health and decided to pretend that it was my stop coming up...right in the middle of a bridge. It was difficult getting the message accross, not being able to speak or lean or turn my bulging eyes towards her, but she probably felt me squirming to get up. I assumed that that was a common enough occurance for her and had adapted to the feeble twitches of her seat-mates. Either that or she just a good sense of how long the average person can go without proper oxygen intake.

I managed to produce enough movement in my limbs to actually get up, after she had wiggled up out of the seat, and made it to the middle doors and just stood there until my stop came up 20 minutes later. I did look back at one point to see if any standers were desperate enough to sit, but she had the seat all to herself.