Yes it's raining in Canada's national capital which means that umbrellas are out and people riding the bus are using them. This, of course, gives every self centered, "me, myself and I" idiot a glorious chance to show off how important they are verses the rest of us useless oxygen mongers. Here is the proper procedure for enforcing your supremacy over the humble masses:
Make your way to one of the first bus stops on the route as to get a whole seat to yourself. As the bus approaches, close your umbrella slowly without shaking it so as to retain the maximum amount of water. Upon taking your throne immediately turn your water logged bat wing unside down on the adjacent seat and bang it a few times to release as must H2O as possible. If you are on a bus with bucket seats then all the better although the older models do have a decent indentation so you not need worry about losing any precious liquid to the floor or even worse, your pants. Now before you settle in to enjoy the ensuing show, be sure to close your umbrella and hook it on the isle seat in front of you so that the troll who takes that one can have a nice pointy handle in their back. If the other prima donna in front of you has followed this procedure correctly then you get extra points for the double whammy...it's called team work! With the stage set it is now time to wait for the double bill...it's like being at the drive in...only fun.
But if you are an a$$hole like me, then you ruin all their fun by quickly wiping the water off (not towards the open floor but towards the offending upper classperson) and while doing so take a good grip of the seat back and ACCIDENTALLY knock the perched umbrella to the floor. I like to switch hands during the wiping so I can take out both the idiot's umbrella that I will be sitting next to and the jerkoff's one sitting behind us. Of course I do excuse myself...about 1/10 of a second before I knock each one to the dirty bus floor.
No comments:
Post a Comment